Ricki Lake never thought she'd feel happy again after the death of her ex-husband Christian Evans
The television presenter was devastated when Christian tragically took his own life at the age of 45 in 2017 following a battle with bipolar disorder and she admits the "true depression" after his untimely passing left her feeling unable to get out of bed.
19 April 2019
She said: "It's a miracle, but I truly feel on the other side of it. For a long time, I didn't think I'd ever feel happy again ... I got to experience true depression. There were days when I couldn't get out of bed, and that is a very scary place to be.
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"I'm such a positive person, and to not feel like that was paralysing ... I will mourn the loss of Christian's beautiful soul every day of my life. But human beings are resilient. And life is precious."
The 50-year-old actress - who was married to Christian until 2015 - wishes she could have saved him but she knew she couldn't.
She told People magazine: "It was like living with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I wanted to save him, but I couldn't. I was still supporting him, financially and emotionally."
At the time of his death, Ricki took to Instagram to announce his passing after a "life-long struggle with bipolar disorder" and paid a glowing tribute to him.
She wrote: "It is with a heavy heart that I share that my beloved soulmate, Christian Evans has passed. The world didn't understand this man, but I did. He succumbed to his life long struggle with bipolar disorder. For anyone who has ever lost a family member or friend to mental illness, my heart goes out to you. I am a greater person for having known him and spent the past 6 and a half years of my life with him. He was a man of love and what mends my broken heart today is knowing that he is finally at peace and his spirit is free. Rest in peace, my love (sic)"