Madonna believes watching her mother die is why she has a "tumultuous relationship with sleep"

And in a belated post to mark Mother's Day in the US, the 'Vogue' hitmaker, who was just five when she lost her parent, has recalled how traumatic it was seeing her mom "disintegrate mysteriously" before going to "sleep".

Referring to her 'Celebration Tour' shows, which saw her pay tribute to those she has lost, including her mom, she began a lengthy post: "I stood on stage for 81 shows staring up at the beautiful face of my mother and wondering what she must've been thinking as she waved goodbye to me from her hospital window.

I stepped into the station wagon and shut the door not knowing it was the last time I'd see her.

"Nobody told me my mother was dying - I just watched her disintegrate mysteriously and then she disappeared and there was no explanation except that she had gone to sleep which explains My Tumultuous relationship with sleep."

The 'Beautiful Stranger' singer admitted she is thankful her own brood - Lourdes, 27, Rocco, 23, David and Mercy, both 18, and 11-year-old twins Stella and Estere - all "sleep under one roof" but admits it's been "hard" to let go when they've spread their wings.

She continued: "Tonight all of my children sleep Under one roof which is Rare and comforting.

They grow up too fast and spin out in different directions And yes I have a hard time letting go.

"When I stepped out on the stage and looked up at my mothers face every night.

I said hello I said goodbye.

I said Thank you.

I hope you're proud of me.

I said Please protect me and keep me sane. (sic)"

During her show, Madonna also paid tribute to her adopted son David's mother, Malita, and hopes she is proud of them both.

She said: "I would look up at. Davids Mother -Malita across the stage And have the same thoughts.

Was I doing a good job ?

Is she proud of her Son? Am I the mother she would want me to be. ?? (sic)"

The 'Frozen' hitmaker says she and her children "clung to each other" throughout the tour, which she completed after her two-month recovery from a near-death experience, and they've never been closer.

She went on: "I became very close to my children on this tour .

We clung to each other.

In the long hours we worked and struggled.

They helped me manifest my dreams.

In the chaos and the storms

the monotony and repetition

The sleepless nights and the endless

Packing and unpacking.

All the sacrifices..

We made together.

So many hours of Blood Sweat and Tears.

Grateful for the privilege of bringing people together with Music.

But also we just wanted to sleep in. (sic)"

She also shared how during the chaos of the tour, her children were also kept busy with their own work and activities.

Madonna shared: "Along the way Rocco was painting.

"Lola was writing songs.

"David and Mercy graduated high school.! (sic)"

She concluded by admitting that motherhood is "just trial and error", and explained how she has often felt like her children were "raising" her.

Madonna - who posted pictures from the shows, including her standing in front of pictures of her mom onstage, and backstage snaps with her family - penned: "No Easy way into the motherhood game. No manual or University

Just trial and error and learn and succeed and then fail again.

Finally the realization that they were raising me and not the other way around.

"I always laugh with friends and say motherhood = suffering

But it's not a joke.

it's the truest thing I've ever said.

"But I wouldn't change it for anything. (sic)"