What do you like to do after sex? Have a cuddle? Take a shower? Maybe it's sipping a cup of tea in bed.
While we may not always have time for a relaxed wind-down with our sexual partner/s post-sex, "aftercare" can be as simple as asking someone how they are feeling, explains Jennifer Power.
She's an associate professor at La Trobe University's Australian Research Centre in Sex, Health and Society and has been looking at sexual aftercare and why it's an important part of consent education.
"It is about seeing or understanding your and the other person's needs more holistically," Dr Power says.
"It doesn't have to take a heap of time … a few minutes to have a chat and make sure someone is in a good space."
Where aftercare comes from
Dr Power says the concept of aftercare isn't a new idea — many people will be familiar with the concept of "cuddling" after sex.
She says the term aftercare comes from the kink community, but has become more mainstream.
"In kink it comes from the way people plan BDSM scenes — so the planning of a scene, what do you want to do, what are your boundaries, talking trough what it might involve, and what happens after."
What aftercare can look like
For a lot of people, sex isn't just an isolated event, explains Kassandra Mourikis, a sex therapist based in Naarm/Melbourne.
"There is a build-up, there might be a discussion about how and what you will explore and your limits [beforehand], and then the experience, then the post-wind down care."
She says that wind down, known as aftercare, can be any kind of practice that follows a sexual experience to slow down, reflect, and debrief.
"Talk about how you felt, what went well, what didn't go so well.
"It can even be practical things like having a shower, cleaning up together, spooning and cuddles, a massage.
"Someone might like to be wrapped in a warm dressing gown."
Ms Mourikis says aftercare can take place in casual and ongoing relationships, and is whatever helps all parties feel like there is intentional "connection, care, and curiosity".
"It's continuing to support and offer care for the human being that we are with."
How aftercare can improve connection, consent, and pleasure
Sex is a place we are always learning — and part of that is making mistakes, Ms Mourikis says.
"Aftercare is an opportunity to integrate that learning; what worked and what can you do to make it even better next time?"
She says if something didn't go as well as someone would have liked, that can be hard to say in the moment.
Creating space afterwards to share those things helps us practice accountability and invite feedback.
"People aren't bad for making mistakes, but it's easy to leave with those unaddressed and that can create rifts and rupture that makes it hard to move towards sex again next time."
It's also a chance to share with people what you loved about the experience, she says.
"It's about doing something that feels good to wind down, but also ... [asking for example] how would you feel it we talked about what we loved, or what we could keep doing if we did this again?
"You can learn how people like to be touched and … and what feels pleasurable for them."
Dr Power says post-care intimacy, affection, and communication supports relationship satisfaction and wellbeing.
And aftercare broadens the conversation around consent, she says, something we typically think of a conversation that happens before and during sex.
"Introducing the concept of sexual aftercare into consent education facilitates a focus on consent as an ongoing dialogue."
Ms Mourikis says not everyone will feel comfortable debriefing immediately after sex, and that's OK.
"Maybe it's over dinner that night, or a week later by message, or next time you meet. Sometimes it takes a little bit of time for people to process."
