After a good day at school, nine-year-old Sophie* would hug and thank her primary school teacher.
But those actions were seen as "babyish" by her peers, and Sophie would frequently come home crying due to bullying.
At one point, a hurtful slideshow was made about Sophie and circulated around a group.
Her mother, Jennifer*, said she reported incidents to teachers, the vice principal and principal on multiple occasions, pointing out to authorities the behaviour presented "clear breaches" of the school's policies and codes of conduct.
While this led to those students responsible being told to "reflect", Jennifer said the school's responses were largely "disappointing".
The behaviour didn't stop, and instead, Jennifer said the school suggested Sophie's behaviour should change.
"[The school] said maybe we should talk to her about not doing those things, because that makes her more of a target," Jennifer said.
Jennifer said Sophie's approach of saying to the bullies that she would "tell the teachers on them if they didn't stop" was also deemed "aggravating" by the school, and Jennifer said the school suggested Sophie find a "secret" way to tell the teacher.
"There needs to be a shift in accountability," Jennifer said.
"Why are we shaming her? Shouldn't the shame be on the kids behaving really badly? There's a clear misalignment of values."
Months went on, and Sophie began refusing to attend school. When the situation didn't improve, Jennifer resorted to changing her daughter's school.
Sophie and Jennifer's story is among a number from families who wrote to the ABC after hearing Lucy's* story — expressing frustration at school responses that called on victims to change their behaviour, not the bullies.
"[In workplaces] there's whole departments you can go to, and you can seek that support, and we really advocate that you don't get to treat people like that in any setting," Jennifer said.
"But yet within our school system, we seem to be teaching them something completely different.
"We live in a society where there are rules and regulations that govern all of us.
"Why are these not applied? Because [school is] the perfect opportunity where they should be applied."
Zero-tolerance approach needed
National Children's Commissioner Anne Hollonds said a lack of school support can increase harm for all, but especially for victims.
"The responsibility should not sit with the victim to fix this or to remove themselves," Ms Hollonds said.
"There should be accountability for the child, who has caused the harm, but what that accountability is will have to be assessed in a case-by-case basis."
"It is extremely difficult when we're talking about children harming other children," she noted.
She said schools needed to set standards and take a "zero tolerance to harmful behaviours".
"Schools should be required to create a culture that promotes respect among students and teachers — [One that] promotes dignity and empathy and compassion, and which recognises the harmful effects if anti-social behaviours are allowed to proliferate."
Students have their say for review
A federal review with a scope to devise a national standard to address bullying has heard from students who shared their views with child-wellbeing experts.
The review received more than 1,700 online submissions, with more than 110 consultations with parents, students, education professionals and other stakeholders undertaken.
The anti-bullying rapid review commissioned by the Department of Education is set to finalise its work next month.
One of the students said the following:
"Sometimes bullies don’t fully understand the harm they’re causing. Encouraging empathy can shift their perspective.
"Ask questions like, 'How would you feel if someone said that to you?' or suggest they think about the other person’s feelings.
"A respectful, kind and inclusive environment makes bullying less likely to happen in the first place.
"Set group norms, be a role model, include others and celebrate differences. One positive leader can inspire others."
Another student said:
"As a justice leader at my school, I want change and change that has a lasting impact for every one of us for a long time to come.
"Too often bullying is dismissed as 'oh, they’re just being kids' or as 'they’re just being silly'.
"This can all lead to students not wanting to come to school; leading into students missing the education that they deserve [and] becoming isolated from peers, family and friends — and even worse self-harm and suicide.
"As someone who has experience bullying throughout my schooling, I want change and I want it now."
Review co-chairs psychologist Charlotte Keating and suicide-prevention researcher Jo Robinson said they had passed the students' comments on to federal Education Minister Jason Clare.
The report's final recommendations are expected on October 17.
"What we tend to hear is when schools manage to balance policies, procedures and a warm school environment, that tends to go very well," Dr Keating said.
"When students — they’ve told us — [say] their voice is heard, that can be very important, and when they are responded to."
"Parents clearly want to feel there is transparency and communication when something is reported. And teachers dearly want to feel equipped to be able to respond in a way that can be helpful."
As well as identifying successful and unsuccessful anti-bullying measures, the review will devise a national standard for policies and procedures.
A lack of consistency in the approach to bullying by schools was identified as a reason for why the practice had proliferated in Australian schools.
* Names have been changed to protect privacy
