We'd just be taking back what is ours. The Americans hid their knowledge of the gold — that would make any deal invalid. Maybe they forged the paperwork?
You don't have to look far in Russia to find hypotheses as to why Alaska is in the wrong hands.
Many in the West will dismiss them as unhinged.
But ahead of Donald Trump's landmark meeting with Vladimir Putin in the region later this week, an idea that's been around for decades is resurfacing.
Could Moscow one day rule over this land again?
Whether the whole thing is a big ruse or something more serious depends on who you talk to.
Olga Skabeyeva, the renowned propagandist who hosts Russian state TV's answer to 60 Minutes, referred to the territory as "our Alaska" during a political interview last year.
Top Kremlin official Dmitry Medvedev has previously used social media to joke his country would go to war with the US over the issue. His post ended with a laughing emoji.
Back in 2022, a billboard plastered with the words "Alaska is ours" and a map appeared in the Siberian city of Krasnoyarsk and sparked concern among some US politicians.
It turned out to be ads for a local machinery business, rather than an official threat.
Nevertheless, the suggestion has its roots in history.
Russia established colonies in Alaska in the late 1700s. After all, the two are separated by less than 100 kilometres of ocean at their narrowest point.
By 1867, the cash-strapped empire sold its territory to the United States for $US7.2 million (roughly $254 million in today's money).
While contentious at the time, the discovery of gold and an abundance of other natural resources in subsequent decades meant it turned out to be a great deal for America.
Sergej Sumlenny was born and raised near Moscow and remembers learning about the injustice of it all during school geography classes.
His teacher concluded the US could have altered the contract.
"It's important to understand a lot of Russians grow up with the belief they have, for centuries, been betrayed and cheated by the treacherous West," Mr Sumlenny, who now runs a business that produces military drones in Ukraine, said.
"And in this mythology, the Americans are the most greedy and unreliable people of all.
"The idea that Russia used to control many lands, and that the West has stolen these lands, fits very naturally into this narrative.
"I think among all the territories which Russians think they have a claim over — Finland, parts of Poland, East Germany, Central Asia, Ukraine — Alaska is second only to Crimea."
That's an ominous perspective. In 2014, Mr Putin ordered the annexation of Crimea, which had been controlled by Ukraine, in a move that served as a precursor to Russia's full-scale invasion in 2022.
Before sending in his military to the peninsula, the autocrat gave a speech to MPs in which he contended: "In people's hearts and minds, Crimea has always been an inseparable part of Russia."
Mr Putin's rhetoric regarding Alaska has been less strident, however. For instance, he has previously described it as being "too cold".
And yet, the issue bubbles on, prompting sporadic interventions from US officials.
After the billboard incident, Alaskan Governor Mike Dunleavy chimed in with a "good luck" on social media.
When Mr Putin last year signed a vague new bill that allocated more money to register Russian property abroad, the US State Department addressed the question.
Vedant Patel, a spokesperson for the agency at the time, said of Alaska: "Well, I think I can speak for all of us in the US government to say that certainly he's not getting it back."
Russia's war bloggers continue to float the possibility of an Alaskan takeover online, and Mr Trump's Freudian slip at a press conference earlier this week hasn't gone unnoticed.
"I'm going to see Putin. I'm going to Russia, on Friday," the US president said mistakenly, ahead of the much-anticipated summit.
Kremlin-aligned media outlets are already on the ground, gushing over their country's links to the region.
As one pointed out: "In Alaska, there are more than 700 place names with Russian roots."
At the weekend, Kirill A Dmitriev — a special envoy of Mr Putin's — began posting images highlighting the country's historical claims to the territory on X, formerly Twitter.
"Putin will for sure be using this Alaska trip to show Russians that it's really just a domestic flight," Mr Sumlenny told the ABC.
Russian threats to take its former territory back have come from high up in the halls of power.
In 2022, for example, as the US prepared to freeze Russia's foreign-based assets in response to the full-scale invasion of Ukraine, State Duma chair Vyacheslav Volodin warned his country could reclaim Alaska in retaliation.
But they're also embedded in pop culture.
Russian band Lyube's 1992 hit Don't Play The Fool, America! remains a national classic.
Between soaring accordion riffs, its lyrics outline similarities between Alaska and Siberia — snow, saunas, salmon, and the like — but it's in the final chorus that things really get blunt.
"Give us the land of Alaska. Give us back our dear land," lead singer Nikolay Rastorguyev growls on the track.
The group happens to be a Putin favourite, and the song is clearly satire. Or is it?
Mr Sumlenny contends it's all part of Russia's "Alaska myth".
"Russians often threaten you in a tongue-in-cheek way," he warned.
"Before the war in Ukraine broke out, my friends there would tell me that Russians they knew would say things like 'we will come to you for a vacation, maybe with a tank'.
"They reduce the level of perceived threat by wrapping it in a joke.
"Taking Alaska from the US, it's absurd. But this song is absolutely serious."
