When I was made redundant last year, my employer asked me: "What do you want to do for the rest of your life?"
In that moment, I felt like I was 17 again, sitting across from my guidance counsellor, unable to answer a question that seemed so straightforward yet also impossibly complex.
My career so far has been a patchwork of roles that I stumbled into more by chance than choice.
My first job was as a model at 19, balancing it with studying advertising at a college.
Later, I worked in social media, returned to modelling, and eventually became a marketing assistant.
These roles were fulfilling in their own ways, but they always seemed to find me rather than the other way around.
I never planned any of it.
And while I've always been creative, at 26 I still struggle to identify a job that fully aligns with my talents.
Underpinning this lack of direction is the feeling I need a "real job" to be taken seriously, as if working in retail or fast food doesn't qualify when you're an adult.
The idea I should have a "dream job" can feel suffocating when what I simply want is a job where I can show up, do my work, and get paid to enjoy my life.
Watching my mum shaped my beliefs around work
Moving frequently throughout my childhood made opportunities and possibilities in life feel endless and within reach.
Every time we moved, it felt like starting over: new place, new people, new everything.
Impermanence was a constant in my life, and it shaped the way I see the world.
Starting over felt easy.
My childhood was the opposite to my mother's. She grew up with permanence and lived a more linear path.
She grew up in Zimbabwe, finished high school, went to college, dreamed of becoming a nurse, marrying and having a family — and she did.
She was on a steady path with clear, defined goals and outcomes
But then she was forced to leave everything she knew behind.
Zimbabwe faced sanctions, leading to hyperinflation, the devaluation of the Zimbabwean dollar, and the collapse of essential services such as banks, electricity, and water.
Our saving grace was her job as a nurse, which brought us to Australia.
For me as a child, it showed me a job is merely a tool — a means to an end. It only provides the illusion of stability, which in reality is built on much more than just work.
I see true stability as when housing, food, health care, and finances function harmoniously.
When one falls, so begins a gradual decline in living standards and overall stability.
The 'unemployed' label
There are moments I find it humiliating to tell someone I am unemployed.
The internalised belief that not having a job equals being a "loser" can be hard to shake.
And knowing that I was almost a step closer to getting my life together, like finally moving out of home and buying a car, only for my luck to run out, means it hurts that bit more.
This all ultimately leads to a desperate attempt to apply for jobs I don't even really want.
Reflecting on the jobs I've had in the past, these roles came about because I didn't allow myself the flexibility to explore more aligned opportunities.
Instead, I rushed into roles and often made concessions that ultimately meant they didn't work for me.
I've had times when I've struggled to set boundaries between work and my personal life.
I used to make workplace grievances my problem.
I forgot sometimes that for me, a job was simply a means to an end.
What I truly needed, and still do now, is a secure contract, livable income, and a collaborative team environment.
Bonus points for a creative role that involves customer service.
Life satisfaction over job satisfaction
My satisfaction and achievements come from outside my job.
Like working towards realising my dream of home ownership and spending time with my family — I love sharing simple moments like having dinner together and catching up on life.
Volunteering at my local radio station is another source of joy and fulfilment.
It gives me a sense of connection to my community that work doesn't always provide.
It's always the little things in my life that make the world of difference.
For me, a job is essential, but a dream job is not.
Vanessa Mbeve is a New South Wales-based writer with Cerebral Palsy, passionate about exploring social dynamics and sharing her unique perspectives through her writing, both fictional and non-fictional.
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