Whenever someone asks Kelsi Cabral if she'll have a third baby, she's reminded how of little people know about hyperemesis gravidarum.
Known as HG, hyperemesis gravidarum is severe nausea and vomiting during pregnancy that lasts for more than a few days.
The condition made headlines when it was revealed Kate Middleton was experiencing HG while pregnant with son George, and again with her other children.
Exactly how many pregnant women get HG is not known, but it's thought to be about one to three in every 100.
Kelsi, mum to her three-year-old and nine-month-old boys, had HG during both pregnancies.
But it was more extreme when pregnant with her second son. Kelsi was sometimes vomiting 30 times in a 12-hour period, all while trying to parent a toddler.
"I really struggled because I felt like I missed out on nine months of his life. He was home, I was home, but I couldn't do fun stuff," the 34-year-old from Melbourne/Naarm says.
After being hospitalised 15 times in her first 12 weeks of pregnancy, Kelsi developed "crippling anxiety" and was in a "pretty dark place" mentally.
We spoke to Kelsi about her experience with HG, and how, with professional support, she's learnt it's OK to both feel grateful and "ripped off".
These are her words.
Warning: This story includes a medical image some readers may consider graphic.
'I was working five days a week, horrifically sick'
When I fell pregnant with my first son Hudson we were in the thick of COVID lockdowns in Melbourne.
I worked a corporate job so was working from home, which was a blessing in disguise.
At about six weeks pregnant I started vomiting, and thought it was normal morning sickness, but it was intense.
I was vomiting anywhere from five to 15 times a day. At 12 weeks I was hospitalised because I vomited 25 times in a 12-hour period.
I was working five days a week, horrifically sick.
Obviously, the vomiting is horrible, but the nausea was 10 times worse. It was 24/7. I would wake up at 3am and feel nauseous.
Sometimes I would get an hour or two with no nausea, which doesn't sound like a lot, but it gave me some hope and maybe I could leave the house and get further than the letterbox.
I was taking some medication, which sometimes helped with the vomiting, but other than that it was hospital fluids which would help me feel better for a couple of days.
However, that was not the case with baby number two.
'There were days I couldn't shower or brush my teeth'
We always said we wanted two children but after our experience with HG, I just didn't think I could do it again.
We struggled to get pregnant with Hudson, and I had a traumatic birth. So with all that and the HG, we thought maybe we'll just have one.
But as he grew, I had a pull to have a second baby.
The HG came on really quickly with my second boy Ashton. I was about four weeks pregnant when I started to feel a bit tired on a Thursday, and by Saturday I was in hospital.
I was hospitalised three more times in the coming fortnight, and two of those days I vomited 30 times in a 12-hour period.
After I was hospitalised 15 times in those first 12 weeks, I started to get crippling anxiety about going to hospital. I was like a pin cushion; doctors and nurses constantly struggling to get needles into me for fluids.
The first time I had HG, it was during COVID and we only had ourselves to look after. The second time was a rude shock.
I was bedridden in a dark room. There were days I couldn't shower or brush my teeth. Brushing my teeth was horrific.
I pretty much could only eat bread and hot chips.
I wasn't leaving the house, no-one was seeing me, and my husband became a single parent basically.
I had honest conversations with my boss about it all, and continued to work three days a week, doing what I could lying in bed with my laptop on my stomach.
I really struggled to even look at my phone, the light and the reading — I couldn't handle it.
That was my life for 20 weeks.
My husband was doing every drop off and pick up for daycare, he was doing dinner, bath and bed routine. He was the primary carer, plus looking after me as well.
And my mum flew over for four weeks to help out.
'I really struggled to parent my son'
Losing quality time with Hudson was really hard.
We had to put him into extra day care days because I couldn't cope with him by myself because of the HG.
We maybe went to the park three times in nine months together.
I felt bad, he was bored. We had to use screen time a lot because if I was feeling sick I was like, 'Let's turn the TV on'.
I really struggled with the relationship with him.
However, it blossomed a beautiful relationship between him and my husband.
'I need to get out of this bedroom'
After 20 weeks, the vomiting started to ease… a little.
I had to say to myself, 'You need to start getting out of this bedroom'.
Mentally, I was in a pretty dark place.
I was not wanting to come out because coming from a dark room into a bright living room, with the TV going, things happening in the kitchen — it was all too much for me.
I have never been so overstimulated as that point in my life.
The second half of pregnancy I tried really hard to go from the bed to my desk set-up at home.
There were times I would be at my desk for 10 minutes then on the couch.
But being on the couch was not being on the bedroom.
'My body has taken away my choice to have more children'
My husband was really strong for me, and he knew my personality. I would just text him telling him what I needed, like orange juice — man, I went through so much orange juice — and he would take care of it.
We potentially could have hired a cleaner [to help, for example], but I also didn't want anyone else in my space because I was struggling.
I was offered to see a psychologist but at the time I couldn't speak about it. I didn't want to talk about being so sick while I was so sick.
Since Ashton was born, I'm doing psychology appointments to debrief about it all.
It's been really good — and it's brought up other things I needed to talk about it.
People asking me if I will have a third baby just goes to show how little they understand HG.
As my psychologist said, my body has taken away the choice to have a third.
I'm grateful I have my two boys; Ashton has healed my heart.
But I feel ripped off, there was not one part of pregnancy that I enjoyed.
I don't like saying it, but it was my reality.
I can be grateful and know I didn't enjoy it at the same time.
