With end of year commitments from schools, workplaces and families piling up, many of us feel we're burning out.
Burnout is more than just a feeling of being tired.
"It's the experience of being overwhelmed and exhausted by everything you have to do, and yet somehow still worry that you're not doing enough," says author and musician Amelia Nagoski.
Nagoski has been hospitalised for burnout. She shared her experiences in Burnout: The Secret to Solving the Stress Cycle which she co-authored with her twin, Emily Nagoski.
Burnout can be especially challenging when the things you're doing don't feel important to you, says registered psychologist Greta Bradman.
The good news is: you don't need to go on holiday or spend thousands of dollars to recover from burnout.
The antidotes are things you can do at home.
Listening to music, playing an instrument, getting enough sleep or building a supportive network can help you prevent and recover from burnout.
What causes burnout?
Most of us think of burnout in relation to our jobs. But Nagoski says burnout is a physiological reaction which can happen to anyone at any time.
"Burnout is the accumulation of stress and being stuck in a stressed state without ever having the chance to oscillate into a peaceful, calm, safe state," Nagoski explains.
We burn out when we constantly face unceasing demands or unreachable goals. It can be the result of working in fields like activism, where you constantly have to advocate for the causes you're passionate about without having concrete wins.
Lots of parents can experience burnout, and many people with disability are familiar with the feeling as the result of living in a world which does not accommodate their needs.
And yes, burnout happens in workplaces, regardless of whether you love or hate your job, and irrespective of whether you're working in an office or in the gig economy.
"The stress in your body is basically the same. What's different is the context and the stressors that initiated it," Nagoski says.
Understanding the difference between stress and stressors is key to solving burnout, Nagoski says.
In evolution, stress is our physiological reaction to facing danger, for instance coming face-to-face with a wild animal.
When this happens, Nagoski says: "You get an experience of fear, of anxiety, or possibly of anger."
Stress releases a cascade of neurotransmitter hormones of glucocorticoid, adrenaline and cortisol which deliver extra oxygen to our muscles. This in turn gives us the edge we need for fight or flight.
When the danger passed, "All that physiological cycle was allowed to complete itself," Nagoski says.
But fight or flight can no longer solve most of our problems, which tend to be things like writing difficult emails or sitting in traffic jams.
"So we need to separate out the process of dealing with the stress in our bodies from the process of dealing with the thing that initiated that stress," Nagoski says.
This is where doing things like listening to music or playing an instrument might help to complete the stress cycle.
How listening to or playing music can help ease burnout
In her Mindful Music episode, Bradman says one specific way to ease the feeling of burnout is to listen to songs that have defined musical resolutions.
Think about singing the last line of Happy Birthday after calling out the birthday person's name. The song has a clear, satisfying ending.
"An experience of burnout can leave someone feeling disconnected and overwhelmed, but finding satisfaction in small things can help bring a sense of balance and contentment," Bradman says.
"I invite you to go looking for these musical resolutions where you just have a feeling that something has been made right," Bradman says.
Finding joy in small things is another antidote to burnout, Bradman says. And music offers plenty of examples.
Bradman suggests focusing on the things which make you smile, such as the sound of your favourite instrument or the voice of your favourite singer.
Nagoski says the idea of using music to help ease our feeling of burnout is sound.
When we listen to musical patterns, it fulfils our basic desire to predict outcomes. And there's satisfaction when the outcomes confirm we've been right all along, she says.
Nagoski relates how she uses the desire to reach the end of the song when she rehearses with her choirs.
"If we sing [the song] correctly, then we can go all the way to the end," she says.
Bradman and Nagoski highlight the important role music plays to express our emotions.
"Music can help connect you with your 'why'," Bradman says. "It can motivate you to operate in line with the version that represents you at your best."
Nagoski points out that music allows you to express complex feelings within a safe space, even negative ones such as anger, sadness and things that are less socially acceptable.
"Music and the arts in general are like a loophole in society where you're not only allowed to feel big feelings, but you're expected to," she says.
And when we're allowed to feel something to its conclusion, the cycle is complete.
How to avoid burnout
Bradman says that being more purposeful in your actions and being true to your core values could help with avoiding burnout.
This involves working out what's important for you, and understanding why you are passionate about what you do.
"When we engage in activities that align with our values, we can tap into a wellspring of energy," Bradman says.
This might enable you to keep going for longer, even when you otherwise feel depleted.
But as someone living with the effects of long COVID, who has to carefully harness and ration her energy, Nagoski has a different take.
She says engaging with something larger than yourself that aligns with your core values can make you push harder and longer. But it might not be a good thing for your wellbeing.
Nagoski cites musicians, entrepreneurs and anyone who is passionate about their job or their creative pursuits.
"When the thing that feeds your soul now puts food on your table, that changes your relationship with it," Nagoski says.
"People who work nine to five in an office in HR aren't necessarily facing that same turmoil," she adds.
Nagoski advises learning to be more in tune with what your body needs.
"I did learn to manage my energy in a very intentional way," she says.
"If you feel you need a break right here, right now, the best thing you can do is take a break right here, right now."
Sometimes, what you need to replenish your energy might be as simple as a single day or night off, or daydreaming for a few minutes.
Nagoski also suggests having a support network who you can call in your hour of need.
This is more in-line with how we have evolved, existing in cooperative communities where we all protect and take care of each other.
When we care and support each other, instead of being draining, the exchange and connection we foster increases our energy, Nagoski says.
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