Katie is autistic and will take things people say literally. It's something she says her perpetrator exploited.
The survivor-advocate from Engender Equality also has complex post-traumatic stress disorder and chronic pain.
"I have no bullshit meter," says Katie, whose name we have changed for privacy.
"He exploited my executive function disabilities, manipulating me into emotional meltdown, which I felt deeply ashamed of afterwards."
She says physical violence would often follow when she felt her most "helpless".
"He would become physically violent when he had manipulated me emotionally."
Women with disability are 40 per cent more likely to experience domestic and family violence than women without disability, says Marayke Jonkers, president of People With Disability Australia.
They often stay in abusive relationships for much longer, and are less likely to receive support from specialist services.
We spoke to survivor-advocates and experts to explain some of the ways perpetrators weaponise disability to target victims, maintain control, and conceal abuse.
Understanding ableist drivers of violence
Ableist drivers of violence include negative stereotypes of people with disability and norms in society that limit their independence and decision-making, explains Domestic Violence NSW deputy CEO Elise Phillips.
"It's the intersection between gendered drivers and ableist drivers that increase the risk for women living with disability."
There is also the "halo effect", where an intimate partner can be seen as an angel who can do no wrong, and therefore signs of violence are dismissed.
Ms Jonkers explains the disabled person is viewed as a burden, and perpetrators may exploit that.
"People think what a hero the partner is — and will openly say it."
Ms Jonkers says in previous relationships she has been confronted with such comments.
"You're at the check-out [with a partner], and I'm the one who went to work and earned the money, planned the meals, put the food in the shopping trolley.
"Then you get to the check-out and people in the line ask how long you've been together and say to him, 'You're so good for looking after her.'"
Perpetrators using disability as a weapon
The ways perpetrators weaponise disability will vary depending on the nature of the victim-survivor's disability.
Vanessa Letico is a lecturer in criminology at Victoria University. Part of her research has focused on victimisation experiences of deaf and hard-of-hearing women.
She says there are several components to how domestic violence perpetrators can weaponise deafness, including physical abuse targeting the victim's hands, fingers and upper limbs, so they can't communicate using AUSLAN or tech.
"They will also damage, or they'll hide or destroy, communication tools like the cochlear implant magnet, hearing aids, phones, tablets [they use to communicate]," Dr Letico says.
They may silence the victim by speaking for them, such as at a hospital, or when emergency services are called.
"They might come up with excuses … and the police will sometimes rely on the perpetrator to interpret for the victim," Dr Letico says.
Ms Phillips says people with disability may already be experiencing isolation, and perpetrators can increase that isolation by breaking down their support systems.
"One consideration is the impact of gaslighting and emotional abuse for people who are already socially isolated by their disability.
"The social exclusion leaves victim-survivors exposed to behaviour that becomes normalised."
She says when someone has a neurodevelopmental or intellectual disability, for example, "it makes it so much easier for the perpetrator to blame the victim-survivor and make them feel like they are to blame, and they are the problem".
It's an experience Julie (not her real name), a survivor-advocate with Engender Equality, can relate to.
She says having autism made it hard for her to "trust her gut" when her ex-partner was abusive.
"I had this feeling that something was wrong, but wasn't able to put a finger on it.
"I wasn't able to trust my own instincts."
It also made it more difficult for Julie to seek support.
"Being a migrant and someone with autism and ADHD, it's extremely difficult to know how to go through certain systems."
Seeking help and escaping violence when you have a disability
People with disability can face increased barriers to reporting abuse and seeking support to escape violence, Ms Phillips says.
"If a disability requires a person to depend on certain support networks, and the perpetrator is in control of those, it makes it impossible to report abuse or make a complaint.
"They may also fear they won't be believed."
For some people with disability, the only support available to them is the person perpetrating the abuse, says Ms Jonkers.
"[People] have no concept of what you need to survive in our day-to-day life.
"While some people with disabilities live independently, others need help and support, and leaving is not an option.
"When I was getting out of a bad situation, [people] didn't understand that leaving meant I couldn't get off the floor if I fell down. I couldn't get food. I couldn't drive myself."
Dr Letico says for people who rely on equipment or tech to communicate, perpetrators may limit their access or monitor their use, limiting their ability to seek help.
She says it's up to everyone to help protect people from domestic and family violence.
"If we see something, say something.
"Ask if they are OK, ask the uncomfortable questions in a safe way, away from the perpetrator."
Both Katie and Julie escaped their violent relationships, and are passionate about helping others understand how disability makes it harder to find support.
"I want other women going through this to see themselves in my story, and say 'Hey, that's what is going on with me,'" Julie says.
"Find someone who is trauma-informed and [understands your disability] to help."
If you or someone you know is experiencing violence, contact 1800 RESPECT. You can also reach out to People With Disability.
