John Lydon has lost "about 50 per cent" of himself following the death of his wife
The Public Image Ltd frontman's beloved spouse Nora Forster died in April 2023 following a long battle with Alzheimer's is preparing to go out on tour in May and he admitted he is worried about being able to get through performing 'Hawaii', the group's 2023 track which paid tribute to his wife
24 February 2025
He told NME of the song: "Forgive me if I can't get through it. I think you would understand.
"This is so deep a pain, it's very, very hard to get over. Definitely I've lost about 50 per cent of myself there. You can't replace it. It's like a hollowness."
The 69-year-old singer is ready to "face" his painful memories of the day Nora died and hopes that will drive him through singing the song.
He said: "Now I've had to face the deeper reality which is now the memories are very clear in my head.
"I had to push them aside for a long time, but her final day was extremely painful for her. She was screaming in agony.
"It was not an easy send off, and she was utterly confused, asking 'John, what is happening?'. Every part of her was giving up - the body had given up.
"And now I'm in this frame of mind where I know I have to face it, but I want to face it, and that might help me perform 'Hawaii' live."
'Hawaii' was one of six contenders in the frame to represent Ireland at the Eurovision Song Contest in 2023 and the former Sex Pistols frontman - who was born in London to Irish parents - is grateful he got the opportunity to raise more awareness of Alzheimer's by performing the track, though he admitted he didn't want to be chosen as the entry because he didn't want to spend too much time away from Nora in her final months.
He said: "That was the most wonderful gift Irish television could have given me, 'cause a couple of people there knew what I was going through and gave us that offer.
"No one expected, least of all me, that it would go any further than that one show, and you've got to understand I didn't want to either, because that would have meant I'd have been further and longer away from Nora.
"So the opportunity to do that live, knowing I could play that back to her, and share it with her, was lovely. Her comments were, 'Yes, but why are you crying?' How could I not? It's almost an impossible mountain to climb."
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