Allison Holker believes Stephen 'tWitch' Boss "wasn't the same" after embarking on an "ayahuasca journey"
The 36-year-old dancer was heartbroken when her husband - who was best known for his appearances on 'The Ellen DeGeneres Show' - took his own life at the age of 40 in 2022, and she believes his decision to consume the plant-based psychedelic had a major impact on him
6 February 2025
She reflected on 'The Jamie Kern Lima Show': "I think it was a very big turning point for him. I feel like his heart was never really in the same place when he came back. There was something missing in his eyes.
"It just kind of feels like he opened something up to himself that he never healed. And never fully escaped."
The 'So You Think You Can Dance?' judge was "really sad" about what her husband went through and would remember him as a "wonderful person", but while she "will always" celebrate him, she can't "celebrate so much of" the choices he made, particularly those that have a lasting impact on their children, Maddox, eight, and five-year-old Zaia, as well as tWitch's 16-year-old daughter Weslie from a previous relationship.
She said: "That's a really fine line I have to walk as a mother right now ... because [the kids] are very hurt by their father's decision.
"And they have a lot of triggers that they have to be in therapy now to really work through."
However, Allison praised her kids for managing to find "joy in life" again, though she knows they will still be processing their dad's death for the rest of their lives.
She said: "But what I am impressed with is that they are doing the work, and they are putting in the time, and they are finding joy in life, and they are finding laughter again.
"But there's a lot to unpack for them that they'll have to deal with for the rest of their lives."
Meanwhile, Allison has revealed she was left with huge debts following her husband's death.
She wrote in her new memoir 'This Far: My Story of Love, Loss, and Embracing the Light': "It's a misconception that I inherited Stephen's wealth. The reality is quite different.
"He had given away substantial sums of money to family and friends and spent recklessly on drugs and his weird art collections. The tax bill that he left me with for the year he died was $1 million...
"Contrary to popular belief, I am not profiting significantly from his residuals, as Stephen's work primarily involved reality shows, where they are minimal.
"I claimed them mostly to ensure the taxes were properly paid. The bills he left for me were overwhelming."
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